keto recipes for breakfast, lunch & dinner are basically the only reason i’m still alive in 2025, no cap.
i’m writing this from my couch in austin right now and my left sock has a hole in it and there’s bacon grease on my hoodie and my dog just farted so bad i had to open a window in november. this is the real keto lifestyle they don’t put on instagram.
why i’m back on keto recipes for breakfast, lunch & dinner (again… sigh)
january hit and my jeans were like “new phone who dis” so here we are. fourth? fifth? time trying this. i lost count after the great cream cheese pancake fire of 2023.
keto breakfast recipes that don’t require me to be a functioning human
- bacon. just bacon. sometimes i eat it straight outta the pan while it’s still screaming hot and burn my tongue every single time but whatever
- those avocado egg boats everyone’s obsessed with. i made one yesterday and the yolk exploded everywhere like a crime scene. 10/10 would do again
- cream cheese pancakes (2 eggs + 1 block cream cheese + blend + cry when they stick to the pan). pro tip: use WAY more butter than you think you need. like divorce-level butter.
keto lunch ideas for when i remember food exists at 3pm
most days lunch is “whatever’s in the fridge that isn’t growing fur” but when i pretend to have my life together:
- buffalo chicken dip with celery (aka hot sauce + rotisserie chicken + cream cheese + pray). i eat it with a spoon like soup because forks are too much commitment
- big-ass salad that’s 90% ranch and 10% sadness
- pepperoni chips. literally just pepperoni in the microwave until crispy. i burned an entire plate once and set off the smoke alarm. my neighbor texted “you good sis?”
keto dinner recipes my boyfriend pretends to like
he lasted nine days before he started hiding bread in his gym bag like a drug addict. now i make these and he shuts up:
- cauliflower mac & cheese that tastes like actual sin (i use this recipe from wholesome yum and add extra cheddar because therapy is expensive → https://www.wholesomeyum.com/keto-mac-and-cheese/)
- steak with so much garlic butter it’s basically a war crime
- pizza casserole that i swear has vegetables in it (spinach counts if it’s buried under six pounds of cheese right?)
one time i tried to make fathead dough and it turned into a brick. we used it as a doorstop for three days.
look i still have days where i eat an entire domino’s pizza and wash it down with self-loathing. last week i cried because a tortilla touched my tongue. keto is weird okay??
but also… my skin’s clearer and i can see my collarbones again and i have energy to walk the dog without dying so like… mixed reviews but mostly winning?
anyway try these keto recipes for breakfast, lunch & dinner or don’t, i’m literally just some girl with bacon grease fingerprints on her laptop living her truth.
drop your favorite keto hack below because i’m running out of ways to hide vegetables from myself lol
